Yesterday I told you I will share with you my day.. so where should I start? First I had my presentation and it was so bad. My English was worse than bad. There is nothing else I could say to my presentation as failed it.
Then my race.. the second thing I completely failed. I wasn’t able to run 6km. I had to stop after 4 and honestly I can’t remember that I have ever been more disappointed than in this moment. I am so disappointed by myself because now I’m always questioning why I didn’t finish it? It couldn’t feel that bad that I really wasn’t able to finish the race but in this moment I wasn’t able to breathe anymore and it felt like my rips were broken because everytime I tried to breathe it hurted so bad that I breathed so fast. It was just really bad and I’m so disappointed of myself! So so disappointed that I wasn’t strong enough to finish the race and that I didn’t force myself to finish it.
Now I’m really scared to run again and I don’t want to run again because I just think that I’m to bad to get better. When I will improve then I will be still not good enough to run the 6km.
So I noticed today, no matter how hard I try and now matter how bad I want it.. I’m not good enough to do this.
Today was a big step backwards. Mentally and physically. A really disappointing day and I really think about to quit cross country.